Broken People

“You know, Autumn, the church is full of broken people.”

I have recently had what many would call a crisis of faith. I would call it a crisis of faith in church.

Yes. I have wondered if we are just a group of people who drank the Kool-Aide. I have wondered if we are just a group of people whom clan together for social experiences. I have wondered if there was a God. I have wondered if Jesus was the Son of God. The depths of my wondering have astounded even me.

I am frustrated with church to the point of quitting altogether.

I have spent the entirety of my life inside of the church. Time after time, I have been in church just to hear the hushed tones of people splattering other people’s reputation on the church steeple. I have watched as people have taken the cross of Christ to impale those who don’t agree with their interpretations of the gospel. I watch the plastered smiles and the insincere blessings of “God’s people” scattered like dead seeds. Every single church I have ever been in, this is the unwritten gospel: do unto others as you would have them do unto you…except when (insert desired situation).

The church is full of broken people.

Each time I begin to voice my frustrations, well-intentioned people say this to me. I never quite understood my discontent with the statement. It unnerved me.   Why do I start wiggling in my shoes each time I hear this?  Because…

TOGETHER, WE SHOULD BE WHOLE.

That is why. Together, we should be whole. Too many times, my voice is not heard. It is placated with patronizing comments or looks of shock. I do not want to be soothed. I do not want to shock. I want to find truth. I want to speak truth. I want people to be decent human beings. I want people to stop acting like assholes.

If Jesus is truth, and we are his body, together, we should be whole.

Guess what that means.

It means the academics and the mentally challenged should find ways to connect. It means the rich and the poor are not unequal. It means the geeks and the jocks would enjoy and embrace their differences.  It means church would look far less like high school and much more like heaven.

It means accepting the fact that your take on scripture might just be wrong. It means realizing that no one truly can ever know the truth until they are dead.  It means we stop trying to scare people into loving Jesus and start loving them.

It means using your gifts to help others. It means allowing others to use their gifts to help you.

It means studying the old way of “doing” church and gutting it to the bone. It means we look less on the numbers and more on the healing done around us. It means we quit worshipping the God of money, people, time, legacy, power, lust, and all else human. It means we should be set apart…not a political party.

If the church is of God, where are the fruits?

For centuries, people have done horrors to others in God’s name. Today, though there may not be blood involved, it still is.

Why am I in a spiritual crisis?

Because I don’t believe anyone else believes it either.

If we did, we would stop using the excuse that the church is made up of broken people and start trying to be whole.

If you find yourself disagreeing with me, that’s ok. Ask Jesus. He has been begging us to see this since way before he departed.

He thought it was important, so why don’t we?

Well…

Jesus is only important when he fits into our own preconceived notions of who he is. Jesus is only important when we say he is.

If we really believed him, we would already be whole.

If we really believed him, we would not be such assholes.

If we really believed him, the world, as we know it, would crumble.

If we really believed him, we would be so bright that the world would want to extinguish the light.

If we really believed him, we would see that when Jesus said, “The Kingdom of God is at hand,” he meant it. He meant that WE are capable of doing this.

If we really believed, nothing could separate us from one another.

If we really believed, we would be whole.

But…nobody really does believe.

I want to believe. I do. I want to see something different than what the world has shown me. I want to act differently than what the world has taught me.  I am broken. I know, but I want to believe that somehow, we can find wholeness in all this mess we call life.

I want to believe that the church is much more than another sanctuary built for us to worship human brokenness.

“You know, Autumn, the church is full of broken people.”

Yes. It is. I am one of them. You are, too.

However, Jesus says that together, we can be whole!

Are we going to choose believe him or keep going on our merry way?

Imagine what the church would look like if we really believed.

That, my friends, is Jesus.