At first, it was surreal. Then the exhaustion hit like a brick in the face. Then the weird, strange, and outlandish happened. Then, the fear the baby was not ok. Then the fear that I was not ok. It was a ride.
When I first noticed I was “different” was when I had to prod myself out of bed in the mornings. Emotion swings were at the top of the list. Once, a lady started blabbing about a personal matter for me and my husband, and I lost it. I was so mad and hurt that I sat in the bathroom crying at work. My husband couldn’t take it. He was there visiting, and he left. I know…sounds like he is a real jackass, but he is a man, and a good one at that. He had never seen me in such a state. I had never seen me in such a state. He absolutely had no idea as to how to handle the situation. I know this now, but at the time, my emotions got worse. I would have been happy to never see his face again. I’m glad that did not come true!
I must admit, it was a bit dramatic. I was completely and totally out of control of the emotions that surrounded my heart. It is hard to describe. Fortunately for all, this only happened 3 times. Once, I laid on the floor of my closet crying. In some ways, this was one of the most difficult times of the pregnancy. I felt misunderstood and unloved.
Another moment of shock came when I suddenly became sick at the site of the color green. It was springtime in Alabama, and EVERYTHING was green. My husband, on a trip back home from an outing, decided to take the “quick way” home. There was nothing but farms and mountains covered in grass and trees surrounding me. I was so sick, I turned green. This “quick way” took us 45 minutes longer than normal. The entire trip was farms, meadows, and mountains covered in a beautiful, sickening green. Steve felt so bad. By the time I got home, I creeped my way into the house and laid on the bed for the rest of the day. Looking back on this out of the way drive, I laugh. At the time though, all I could think was, “God, please please please take me home…I don’t care which one, just take me there!”.
Eggs. The word that could make me gag at any moment. Why eggs? I have no idea. Just the thought of the word “egg” made me want to vomit. Oh, and my first experience entering my favorite restaurant was regretfully horrible. The smells were so overwhelming I could barely stand in the foyer. To this day, I still cannot eat at that restaurant.
At 8 weeks, I began to spot. Of course, I freaked out. I called the doctor, and they called me in for an ultrasound. Good news! The baby was fine. Bad news…the baby had a cystic hygroma on it’s neck. Not good at all. These generally are a telling sign for down’s syndrome, heart defects, and a long list of bad things. Our doctor suggested I have an amniocentesis done at 16 weeks. The fear was gripping at me again. I had to wait 8 weeks to find out if our little baby was ok. Terminating the pregnancy was not an option for us, but we did want to be prepared.
Steve took us on a mini vacation to the beach when I was 14 weeks. I had just started to show a tiny bit, and I first felt the baby move then. It was a weird sort of flutter. I was crazy excited. Some say this is gas pains, digestive issues, etc. which cause you to “feel like” the baby was moving. No. I felt the baby move, and gas and digestive issues do not feel the same.
I still was anticipating the amnio. I was very afraid it would hurt. It did, but not too bad. We found out some exciting news that day. It was a boy! First thing my mother said was, “Aw. I wanted a girl!” Too funny. She still swears she didn’t mean it, but she said it. My sister was pregnant too, and she was having a boy. I guess mom just wanted to buy dresses and pick ribbons. Oh well.
The next week we received great news! The baby was fine! YIPPIE! One down, and little did we know, many to come. Thankfully, most of the rest of the bad stuff in the pregnancy happened to me. We will get to that in the upcoming blogs.
Until then…I must get out of here and play with my little man!
Week 27
27 weeks
READ the previous blog in the series HERE
READ the next blog in the series HERE
I am 8 weeks in and I felt you captured a lot of what I am feeling already. Mostly Fear! haha well I guess just walking into the “unknown” thanks for the post I enjoyed!
Ashley hated Diet Pepsi and as you may remember Steve and I drank that constantly. She could even smell it on my breath or better yet across a crowded room. The church I worked at in Chicago did a hot dog grill every sunday and she could smell it when we turned on that street